Reprinted from the Health District's quarterly publication mailed to district residents (Summer 2004)

Picky, picky, picky.

Beets, broccoli, brussel sprouts.

Many a child’s fear factor, too often a parent’s nightmare – all playing out in fits and fights at the dinner table.

• It’s perfectly normal for kids not to like new foods.

• If your child wants nothing but peanut butter-and-jelly sandwiches for every meal (also known as a food jag), relax. It’s likely a phase.

• And, finally, what you don’t say to your child about eating can make a difference.

For many parents, mealtimes have become ground zero for food wars. What should be a positive family experience too often turns into a battle of wills. Kids and parents dig in their heels, trading “Why do I have to eat peas?” with “Because I said so.”

The key to bringing peace – and quiet, perhaps – to mealtimes comes down to a simple concept.

It’s a division of responsibility, says Julie Hansen, a registered dietitian who counsels families through her private practice and at the Fort Collins Youth Clinic.

“The parents are in charge of the what, when and where of eating, while the kids are in charge of if and how much they eat,” Hansen says.

Sound simple enough? Sure, but ask Hansen how big of an issue this is for families, and she doesn’t mince her words: “It’s huge. It totally disrupts their lives. It brings a lot of mental anguish.”

Parent’s Job #1: What to Eat
“Parents are the gatekeepers to providing healthy food and meals,” says Chris Bachman, a registered dietitian at the Health District.

Plan a menu with variety, one that includes an entree, a fruit and/or vegetable and a glass of milk at each meal.

“Pick one or two foods that you know your child will like,” she says. “Then, introduce a new food, but be careful not to push your child into trying it. Kids often need to see a food 10-15 times before they may accept it.”

What parents don’t say to their children about their food choices at the table can, in fact, be the most effective at instilling good eating habits, Hansen says. Contrary to our Mom saying: “Eat your peas!” parents should keep responses to food at the table neutral. Pointing out whether daughter Erin is eating her carrots or not draws undue attention. Refrain from labeling a child as a picky eater, since it will only continue to promote that behavior.

Understandably, this can try a parent’s patience, particularly when this is the 10th time Mom or Dad has put out a bowl of peas with no takers.

“Keep in mind, your job as parent is to make the healthy food available,” Hansen says. “A toddler is naturally neophobic, or doesn’t like to try new things. Parents react quickly to that and children learn very young to get what they want.”

Too often, a child makes a face at the beans he’s being asked to try, refuses to eat and pitches a fit. In an attempt to make peace and make sure the child eats something, the parent rushes to prepare something the child likes. Bingo! Your child has figured out how to get what he wants.

Involving your children in meal planning and preparing and even grocery shopping can help. While stores can be land mines for junk food, they also can be good places to get buy-in from kids. Ask them to pick out the fruits and vegetables for the upcoming meals, Bachman says.

Now, about those food jags. Realize that it’s part of growing up for kids to latch onto one or two foods they like. Go ahead and serve their favorites often but continue to offer a variety of food choices at other meals.

Parent’s Job #2: When
Setting regular mealtimes – whether meals or snacks – establishes routines that children can count on. Good timing for snacks will ensure that your child is hungry when it comes to lunch or dinnertime, Hansen says.

Parent’s Job #3: Where
This, by far, is one of the most critical responsibilities parents have, the experts say. Today’s family life at home presents lots of distraction. When parents and children eat in front of the TV or play with toys, their focus is not where it needs to be: on spending time together over a meal.
“We need to value sitting down to eat with our kids,” Bachman says.

Child’s Job #1: If
Despite every parent’s fear of children going hungry, youngsters eat when they’re hungry and don’t when they’re not. If a child doesn’t eat much for one meal or one day, don’t worry, Bachman says. You might look at other factors like how close snacks are to meals or the environment at the table.

Child’s Job #2: How much
Children are surprisingly good at self-regulating eating. An unintended consequence of parents pushing a child to eat is that the she overeats. Ignoring hunger and fullness cues can lead to obesity as an adult.

So, what happens when “picky eaters” run the household?

Hansen sees and hears about it when parents seek her advice.

“Kids eat from a very limited menu,” she says. “It’s havoc on the family. The parents are so stressed out. They gear up for battle at the table.”

But, of course, it doesn’t need to be that way. With a little patience (OK, lots of patience) and a clear plan for who’s responsible for what, parents and children alike will find eating as a family to be fun again.