Reprinted from the Health District's quarterly publication mailed to district residents (Winter 2003)

Ask Steve & Renee Carlson what an “average” day is like around their house and there’s a long pause – even a small laugh.

But there is one constant every day: family comes first.

“We’ve had to work at it, but making family a priority has allowed us to handle every new stage in our kids’ lives – and enjoy them,” Renee says. “You learn to juggle. If there’s a morning that I’m not needed for any meetings at work, then that’s the morning that I help with Rachel’s class.”

Steve and Renee say having that flexibility at work makes the difference.

“All the people I work with are parents so they know what it involves,” Steve says. “And they know that having a work-life balance makes a better employee.”
The Carlsons’ family focus includes their relationship as a couple. Through their 12 years of marriage, Steve and Renee have made a point of meeting at home to have lunch together.

“When we say family comes first, our marriage is at the top of the list,” Steve says. “What we don’t want to give up is our sanity time, our couple time, because that’s too big of a price to pay on an ongoing basis.”

Success stories like theirs are more common than one might think.

“Dual-earner families have been tagged with this frazzled, over-busy stereotype,” says Toni Zimmerman, director of the Marriage and Family Therapy Program at Colorado State University. “In reality, there are a lot of families doing well with balancing work and family.”

Zimmerman conducted a study of local families who identified themselves as “balanced.” The study found that the strongest building blocks of a balanced family are firm priorities, equality in the distribution of family chores and a flexible work environment.

“To set priorities I tell people to get away from the situation a bit, to take a helicopter ride over their lives and look at the terrain and all the roles they are fulfilling,” says Rusty Saunders, a psychologist and speaker on finding balance between work and family. “Set priorities about what’s important to you, but don’t add to your sense of overwhelm.

“Choose one thing a week that you’re going to do that will better a relationship that is important to you.”

Although some families are finding success, others have a disconnect between values and the way they live their day-to-day lives, says Lin Wilder, coordinator of Connections, a mental health and substance abuse resource center operated by the Health District and the Larimer Center for Mental Health.

“Most people say that family is their top value, but that’s not where their time is spent,” she says. “To be healthy, your actions have to be congruent with your values.”

Putting family first means meeting family members’ emotional and physical needs.

“We rush through our myriad activities, eat fast food, and then the kids plop down in front of a video game,” Wilder says. “Being healthy and having healthy relationships takes time — be that eating a meal together or setting aside time for freeplay.”

Balancing success can be found in all sorts of families, Zimmerman says.

“We need to get away from a one-size-fits-all approach,” she says. “Be it a single parent family or any of the many other situations people are in, they have found a way to be loving and productive by putting their bonds with each other first.”