"Plant and your spouse plants with you;
weed and you weed alone." ~ Jean-Jacques Rousseau
When it comes to smoking, everybody knows the
score: it’s a zillion to three, smokers lose. Even smokers know this.
The only question now for our country’s 46 million smokers — and Larimer
County’s approximately 45,000 smokers — is how can they be done with this
goofy habit, this life-and-death game? According to research from the
Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, the great majority of smokers
(more than 70 percent) are tired of the game and just want to know how
they can sneak off the field, into the locker room, out of the stadium.
Smokers want to get back into civilian clothes, blend in.
So how do we help our smokers quit? On the surface, it’s easy: We just
love them unconditionally, support them, give them time and space to get
the job done, offer non-judging curiosity and, most importantly, provide
humor and lightheartedness.
And then what? A more helpful question might be: How do we not help our
smokers quit? Are we doing anything that makes quitting harder for our
smokers?
Aneta Comensecu, age 63, made it harder. According to newspaper reports,
her husband, Marin, died at 76. In his will, he stipulated that if Aneta
wanted to inherit his estate she would have to smoke at least five
cigarettes a day for the rest of her life. This, he said, was her
punishment for waging daily war against his smoking habit and putting him
through “40 years of hell.” Aneta challenged the will. “I’d rather lose
everything than touch a cigarette,” she said.
Poor Aneta. And poor Marin. If Marin had been in hell for 40 years, we
know that Aneta was right there with him. Did Marin smoke because he
couldn’t help it, and Aneta just wouldn’t cut him any slack? Did Aneta’s
harping just make it that much harder to quit? So what approaches do we
drop if we truly want our smoker to quit?
Here are the basic five:
1. Don’t be a cop to your smoker.
Alas, our smokers are already handcuffed and know the difference between
right and wrong. Our smokers will not escape from either the physical or
social laws surrounding tobacco. Smokers already meet countless people
quite willing to play the cop role, telling them right from wrong. So we
can put away the badge. Our smokers’ “wrong-
doing” is obvious. Our smokers have already been “arrested.” Let’s be on
their side. The heavy hand of the law need not be our hand.
2. Don’t be your smoker’s doctor.
Researchers report that most smokers estimate the health risks of tobacco
higher than do non-smokers. So we are not obliged to make diagnoses or
prognoses. Smokers know better than we that smoking is not healthy.
They’re already frightened enough. No need to add to their fears. If we
practice our own healthy lifestyle, our smokers will notice. Joy, not
fear, is the road to health.
3. Don’t be your smoker’s hall monitor.
We don’t need to monitor the times our smokers go out for a smoke, or
count the number of smokes they’re smoking. Such close monitoring doesn’t
do our smokers any good. In fact, it leads to more smoking or secret
smoking. And such monitoring doesn’t help our mood. We have other ways to
help our smokers. Counting smokes is not one of them!
4. Don’t be your smoker’s psychotherapist.
Our smokers don’t not need our analysis. Our smokers just need our love,
our laughter, our support, our free and easy company — by the hour, the
week and the month.
5. And finally, don’t be your smoker’s preacher.
Our smokers don’t need sermons. They’ve heard it before. Most smokers
already chastise themselves with hellfire and brimstone. Again, our
smokers just need our love, our laughter, our support.
For our smokers to finally step free from tobacco, they will have to
change not only their physical behavior but also, more importantly, the
way they think and feel about smoking. Seems only fair that, to help them,
we change our own way of thinking, feeling and acting about smoking.
We harp on our smokers because we love them. For the same reason, let’s
stop harping; offer instead our love, patience, insight and, most of all,
humor. This is what helps set them free.
Bear Jack Gebhardt, author of How to Help
Your Smoker Quit and The Enlightened Smoker’s Guide to Quitting,
is a
smoking cessation counselor for the Health District’s “Step Free” program.
He’s also available for presentations on “How to Help Your Smoker Quit.”
Contact him at 224-5209 or jgebhardt@healthdistrict.org.
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